4 Signs Your “Mom Rage” Isn’t Just About the Kids
Hey mama,
Let me paint you a picture: Your kid asks you for the third snack in an hour. It’s a completely normal request - kids get hungry. But instead of calmly saying no, you feel that familiar surge of white-hot rage. You snap. You yell. And then you think, “What is WRONG with me? Why am I losing it over a snack request?”
Here’s what I need you to understand as a behavior analyst and mom of four (including twins!) who has personally experienced mom rage: that explosion wasn’t really about the snack.
When you find yourself having disproportionate reactions to normal kid behavior, your rage is trying to tell you something important. It’s not about your children being difficult or you being a bad mother. It’s your nervous system waving a giant red flag saying “SOMETHING ELSE IS WRONG HERE.”
Today, I’m going to walk you through the four signs that your mom rage isn’t actually about your kids - and what it’s really telling you.
Sign #1: You’re Raging About Things That Didn’t Used to Bother You
What This Looks Like:
• Normal kid noise suddenly feels unbearable
• Messes that you used to handle calmly now trigger explosive reactions
• Questions that are developmentally appropriate feel like personal attacks
• You’re irritated by behaviors that didn’t bother you six months ago
Why This Means It’s Not About the Kids:
If your children’s behavior hasn’t fundamentally changed but your reaction to it has, the problem isn’t their behavior - it’s your depleted capacity to handle normal stress.
What It’s Really About:
Your nervous system is chronically overwhelmed. When you’re running on empty, your tolerance for any additional stimulus (even normal kid behavior) drops to almost zero.
What This Feels Like:
One of my coaching clients described it perfectly: “My kids are being the same level of loud they’ve always been. But suddenly it feels like they’re screaming directly into my brain. The volume didn’t change - my capacity to handle it did.”
The Real Issue:
You’re not becoming a worse mother or less patient person. You’re experiencing nervous system dysregulation from carrying too much for too long without adequate support or recovery time.
Sign #2: The Rage Shows Up at Specific Times of Day (Regardless of What Your Kids Are Doing)
What This Looks Like:
• You’re fine in the morning but explode by 5 PM every day
• Bedtime consistently triggers rage, even on “good” days
• You notice patterns: always worse on Wednesdays, always worse after work calls, always worse when you haven’t eaten
Why This Means It’s Not About the Kids:
If your rage follows predictable patterns based on time, circumstances, or your physical state rather than your children’s actual behavior, your kids aren’t the variable causing the rage.
What It’s Really About:
Your rage is tied to:
• Depletion cycles: By 5 PM, you’ve used up all your regulatory capacity
• Unmet needs: You haven’t eaten, rested, or had a moment alone
• Accumulated stress: Each demand throughout the day has added to your stress load
• Anticipatory anxiety: You’re dreading the chaos you know is coming
What This Feels Like:
“I can be totally fine with my kids’ behavior at 2 PM, but the exact same behavior at 6 PM makes me want to scream. It’s not them - it’s that by 6 PM, I have absolutely nothing left to give.”
The Real Issue:
Your body is trying to tell you that your basic needs aren’t being met and your capacity is being exceeded on a predictable schedule. The kids are just the convenient target for rage that’s really about your depleted state.
Sign #3: You’re Angrier at Your Partner Than Your Kids (But Taking It Out on Your Kids)
What This Looks Like:
• You’re furious that your partner isn’t helping more, but you yell at your kids
• You resent the inequitable household labor, but you snap at your children
• You’re angry about lack of support, but your kids bear the brunt of your rage
• You notice you’re calmer with your kids when your partner IS helping
Why This Means It’s Not About the Kids:
When your rage decreases significantly based on your partner’s involvement level, your children’s behavior clearly isn’t the actual trigger.
What It’s Really About:
• Unequal mental load: You’re carrying the cognitive burden for the entire household
• Resentment buildup: You’re angry about the inequity but haven’t addressed it directly
• Feeling unsupported: You’re doing this largely alone and it’s unsustainable
• Displaced anger: It feels safer to rage at your kids than confront your partner
What This Feels Like:
“I realized I was snapping at my kids constantly, but when my husband was home helping, I was fine. The kids weren’t behaving any better - I just wasn’t carrying everything alone. My rage wasn’t about them at all. It was about feeling like a single parent in a two-parent household.”
The Real Issue:
Your rage is actually about partnership inequity, lack of support, and carrying too much alone. Your kids are just the ones who happen to be there when the pressure cooker explodes.
This is one of the biggest issues I address in my coaching and in The Mom Rage Reset workbook - helping moms recognize when their rage is actually about unmet needs and unsupportive systems, not their children’s behavior.
Sign #4: You’re Raging About Your Kids Not Meeting Needs You Haven’t Communicated
What This Looks Like:
• Getting angry that your kids won’t give you space (when you haven’t asked for it)
• Furious that they’re being loud (when you haven’t told them you need quiet)
• Enraged that they’re touching you (when you haven’t set a boundary about your body)
• Mad that they “should know” you’re overwhelmed (when you’ve been hiding it)
Why This Means It’s Not About the Kids:
Children can’t read your mind. If you’re expecting them to intuit your needs without you communicating them, your rage is about your inability to advocate for yourself, not their failure to mind-read.
What It’s Really About:
• Guilt about having needs: You feel selfish asking for what you need
• Belief that good mothers don’t need breaks: You think needing space means you’re failing
• Fear of judgment: You’re worried about what it means if you can’t handle constant contact
• Learned patterns: You were taught that mothers should be endlessly available
What This Feels Like:
“I was SO angry that my kids wouldn’t leave me alone. But then I realized - I never actually asked them to leave me alone. I just expected them to somehow know I was at my limit. How could they know if I didn’t tell them?”
The Real Issue:
You’re raging because you’re not advocating for your own needs, and then blaming your children for not meeting needs they don’t even know you have.
In The Mom Rage Reset workbook, I provide specific scripts for communicating your needs to your kids in age-appropriate ways, so you can stop expecting them to read your mind and start getting the space you actually need.
What Your Mom Rage Is Really Telling You
When your rage isn’t actually about your kids, it’s usually telling you one (or more) of these truths:
Your Capacity Is Exceeded:
You’re carrying too much with too little support. Your rage is your body’s way of saying “I CAN’T HANDLE ANY MORE INPUT.”
Your Needs Aren’t Being Met:
You’re running on empty - physically, emotionally, mentally. Your rage is screaming “I NEED SOMETHING AND I’M NOT GETTING IT.”
Your Boundaries Are Being Violated:
You’re being touched, interrupted, and demanded from constantly. Your rage is saying “I NEED SPACE AND AUTONOMY.”
Your Values Are Being Violated:
You’re living in a way that contradicts what you believe is right or fair. Your rage is protesting “THIS ISN’T HOW IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE.”
The Real Work: Addressing What’s Actually Wrong
Once you recognize that your rage isn’t about your kids, the real work begins: addressing what it’s actually about.
If It’s About Depleted Capacity:
Immediate Actions:
• Identify what you can remove from your plate (not add to it)
• Ask for specific help with specific tasks
• Create 15-minute recovery windows throughout your day
Deeper Work:
• Examine what’s depleting you and why
• Address the root causes of your overwhelm
• Build sustainable systems that protect your capacity
In Coaching:
I help moms identify their specific depletion patterns and create personalized strategies to rebuild capacity without adding more to their already full plates.
If It’s About Unmet Needs:
Immediate Actions:
• Run through the basics: When did you last eat? Sleep? Have time alone?
• Meet one basic need right now (even if imperfectly)
• Stop waiting for permission to take care of yourself
Deeper Work:
• Identify which needs are chronically unmet
• Figure out what’s preventing you from meeting them
• Create systems that make meeting your needs non-negotiable
In The Mom Rage Reset Workbook:
You’ll find the Trigger Tracking System that helps you identify exactly which unmet needs are triggering your rage, plus Emergency RESET Tools for meeting those needs in the moment.
If It’s About Lack of Support:
Immediate Actions:
• Ask for one specific piece of help today
• Stop trying to do everything alone
• Recognize that needing support isn’t weakness
Deeper Work:
• Have the hard conversation about equitable partnership
• Identify where support is lacking and why
• Create clear expectations and accountability
In Coaching:
I provide daily support as you navigate the difficult conversations about redistributing household labor and mental load. This is some of the hardest work, and having a coach who understands the behavioral dynamics makes all the difference.
If It’s About Boundary Violations:
Immediate Actions:
• Communicate one boundary clearly today (“I need 10 minutes without anyone touching me”)
• Stop expecting your kids to know your limits without being told
• Give yourself permission to have physical and emotional boundaries
Deeper Work:
• Identify which boundaries you need most
• Learn to communicate boundaries without guilt
• Practice maintaining boundaries even when they’re tested
In The Mom Rage Reset Workbook:
You’ll find “What to Say When…” scripts for setting boundaries in common triggering situations, plus Boundary “Permission Slips” to help you overcome the guilt of having limits.
Why Generic Advice Doesn’t Work
You’ve probably been told to “just breathe” or “count to ten” when you feel rage building. And you’ve probably discovered that when you’re already at a 9/10, breathing exercises feel impossible and insulting.
That’s because generic advice doesn’t address what’s actually causing your rage. It treats the symptom (the explosion) instead of the cause (depleted capacity, unmet needs, lack of support, violated boundaries).
What Actually Works:
Addressing Root Causes:
• Identifying YOUR specific rage triggers
• Understanding what YOUR rage is really telling you
• Creating strategies for YOUR unique situation and family dynamics
Having Real Tools for Real Moments:
• 5-second interventions that work when you’re already activated
• Body-based techniques that don’t require a calm mind
• Strategies you can use even when you can’t step away
Getting Personalized Support:
• Someone who understands the behavioral dynamics of mom rage
• Daily access when you’re struggling to implement strategies
• Accountability as you work to address the root causes
This is exactly what I provide in my coaching and what you’ll find in The Mom Rage Reset workbook - real strategies for real mom life, not generic advice that assumes you have time and space to “just breathe.”
When You Need More Than a Workbook
The workbook is powerful for moms who can implement strategies on their own. But sometimes you need more support:
You Might Need 1:1 Coaching If:
• You’ve tried self-help strategies but can’t seem to make them stick
• Your partner doesn’t understand or support the changes you’re trying to make
• You feel too overwhelmed to even know where to start
• You need someone in your corner who actually gets it
• You’re dealing with deeper issues (trauma, severe anxiety, depression) that need professional support
What My Coaching Provides:
• Behavioral analysis: I identify the patterns maintaining your rage that you can’t see when you’re in it
• Personalized strategies: Tailored to YOUR family, YOUR triggers, YOUR specific situation
• Daily access: You don’t wait a week between sessions - reach me when you’re struggling
• Accountability: Someone who keeps you moving forward even when it’s hard
• Expert troubleshooting: When strategies aren’t working, I help you figure out why and adjust
Try 24 Hours of FREE Coaching to experience what personalized support feels like.
The Truth About Mom Rage
Your mom rage isn’t evidence that you’re a bad mother. It’s evidence that something in your life needs to change.
Maybe it’s your capacity being exceeded.
Maybe it’s your basic needs going unmet.
Maybe it’s lack of support or partnership inequity.
Maybe it’s boundaries that need to be set and maintained.
Whatever it is, your rage is information. It’s your body and nervous system trying to tell you something important.
Listen to it. Address what it’s really about. Get the support you need to make real changes.
Because you deserve to feel regulated. Your kids deserve a mom who isn’t constantly on the edge of explosion. And your family deserves to experience you when you’re not running on empty.
The rage isn’t who you are. It’s what happens when you’ve been pushed too far for too long.
Let’s work on getting you back to yourself.
If you’re recognizing yourself in these signs, here’s what you need to know: burnout doesn’t get better on its own. You need to actively intervene.
Ready to understand what your mom rage is really telling you and get practical tools that actually work? The Mom Rage Reset workbook gives you the same strategies I use with my 1:1 coaching clients - trigger tracking, emergency interventions, and recovery plans for real mom life. Get instant access for $37 and start managing your rage today.
GET THE MOM RAGE RESET WORKBOOK - $37
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